Am I Unwanted?

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Before you read this, read my post on my Views on dating here ! The below is just a rant that was a spur of the moment type thing, shouldn’t be taken seriously. It was a frustrating beating myself up to reassure myself that I shouldn’t change.

Fuck women, or should I say girls? First off, excuse my language in the beginning there, no disrespect to anyone intended. This is just something that frustrates me and has been bugging me for a while and I just need to get this out. What do you do when you don’t like the image you see in the mirror? Is it my fault I don’t like what I see? What makes me so unappealing and unattractive to women? What is that trigger that keeps me in the “friend zone”? Have I been pushed far beyond the threshold to change? I’d really like to know. Why do I have to go through rejection after rejection after rejection when others just fall into relationships without even trying? What is wrong with me?

I know I’m not the sexiest person out there but I’m a good looking guy, I’m very successful for my age and I have a great, kind personality. One thing is wrong though,  I’ve started to hate myself, constantly thinking something is wrong with me. Why me? When you look in the mirror what do you see? I’m tired of hearing “The right one will come eventually” , “Just be patient” , “There are plenty of fish in the sea”  all of that blah blah blah I call BULL SHIT! I mean come on people, seriously?! I’ve never felt good enough for any one person in my life.  I’m like a burden, and I don’t know why.  It seems like there are people in my life who leave just as quickly as they enter, and I blame myself.

It is very tempting to alter myself, how others perceive me, to get the attention I crave. To be desired. To be considered special enough to be pursued. To be in a position to pick and choose who we give ourselves to, and who we don’t. The way I am now is how I was raised to be. I grew up in a single parent home, my mom was all I had. She has taught me how to treat women from a women’s perceptive. I treat my women like a queen with respect, kindness, and understanding.

I am very genuine, I don’t know how to be any different. Is there something really wrong with me? I’m not judgmental we all are our own person, there’s no place for me to tell you that something you do is right or wrong. I may suggest another opinion but by no means do I ever want to “control” someone’s outlook. I never cared what girls thought of me. I’ve always thought I was cute, funny and awesome. Lately I’ve wanted to just be with someone but it seems like every girl I like is either out of my league or in a relationship. I keep thinking I meet girls worth my while but it never works out. I always seem to think there’s something there and there isn’t and I’m tired of it. I just want to be normal. I’m tired of being a buddy or being a really good friend, even though for the most part I love being a good friend to people. I just want someone who wants me. When it’s all said and done, I’m an attractive, successful, smart black male with a lot going for him and I guess.. I don’t even know…that’s the end of my rant…

-Jullian

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About Jullian Autry

When I set my heart on something, I give it my all. That's why I decided to blog.I am going to share my story with everyone I want to show you all who I am, my life,dreams and aspirations. I hope that my post, my story and inspiring/motivational words will be inspirational to you and motivate you to be the best you can be. I wish your dreams and potential to be born into life through my writing. Everyone is more than welcome to comment and share their opinions. I encourage it.

Posted on January 17, 2014, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Hi.. this is Jade from the Jungle.. sorry I was logged in as my other blog when I read this and couldn’t be bothered to log out and back in again! Just wanted to say … great rant! I know that you have heard it all before but to me, as a mere woman, I think that the qualities you offer are worth so much more than you are giving yourself credit for. I know that you have been rejected and that it does hurt and that you are just tired of it all… and I know that you have all the platitudes etc.. but please don’t be down on yourself. You sound like an amazing person and as far as I am concerned, I think that anyone would be lucky to have you. The only advice I can give you is to try not to look so hard. Just relax and more often than not, love comes from the most unlikely places. In the meantime you have us on WordPress! 🙂

    • Thank you very much. I say it a lot but it means a lot to me to have someone understand and make me feel not as alone as I feel that I am. And of course I have all of me friends on WordPress !

      • You are not alone. We have all been there in one form or another and many are still there. You just need to try to remain positive and think about the good things. Think about all those brilliant attributes that you have… any girl would be lucky to have you. Are we friends on FB? If not then we can always be. 🙂

      • You’re right, think positive!
        Thank you 🙂
        I added you! 🙂

  2. I agree. You need to relax, not stress about what others think of you, be comfortable in your own skin. Love will come along when you least expect it. Take some time to be happy with yourself on your own, don’t even have the thought of a relationship in your head. When you are looking, it can come across as desperate, or that you are on the the prowl. You may not notice this, but others do.

    • I don’t really care what others think of me in a sense, I know people think I’m a good guy. I am just tired of feeling like I’m unwanted/unneeded like I’m just a passerby when I’m here for the long-run. Also, I’m not looking, I don’t even dare to approach anyone of the premise of a relationship coming out of it.

  3. Attracting love has to come from within yourself. How do you expect someone to love and respect you if you don’t love yourself? Put yourself first, because unless you take care of yourself, you cannot competently take care of anyone else (for instance, the rule is to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before putting it on a child on airplanes). Once you fully realize your own potential and worth, can you project those feelings out there and that confidence will attract people, and dare I say – the right person.

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