Am I Unwanted?
Before you read this, read my post on my Views on dating here ! The below is just a rant that was a spur of the moment type thing, shouldn’t be taken seriously. It was a frustrating beating myself up to reassure myself that I shouldn’t change.
Fuck women, or should I say girls? First off, excuse my language in the beginning there, no disrespect to anyone intended. This is just something that frustrates me and has been bugging me for a while and I just need to get this out. What do you do when you don’t like the image you see in the mirror? Is it my fault I don’t like what I see? What makes me so unappealing and unattractive to women? What is that trigger that keeps me in the “friend zone”? Have I been pushed far beyond the threshold to change? I’d really like to know. Why do I have to go through rejection after rejection after rejection when others just fall into relationships without even trying? What is wrong with me?
I know I’m not the sexiest person out there but I’m a good looking guy, I’m very successful for my age and I have a great, kind personality. One thing is wrong though, I’ve started to hate myself, constantly thinking something is wrong with me. Why me? When you look in the mirror what do you see? I’m tired of hearing “The right one will come eventually” , “Just be patient” , “There are plenty of fish in the sea” all of that blah blah blah I call BULL SHIT! I mean come on people, seriously?! I’ve never felt good enough for any one person in my life. I’m like a burden, and I don’t know why. It seems like there are people in my life who leave just as quickly as they enter, and I blame myself.
It is very tempting to alter myself, how others perceive me, to get the attention I crave. To be desired. To be considered special enough to be pursued. To be in a position to pick and choose who we give ourselves to, and who we don’t. The way I am now is how I was raised to be. I grew up in a single parent home, my mom was all I had. She has taught me how to treat women from a women’s perceptive. I treat my women like a queen with respect, kindness, and understanding.
I am very genuine, I don’t know how to be any different. Is there something really wrong with me? I’m not judgmental we all are our own person, there’s no place for me to tell you that something you do is right or wrong. I may suggest another opinion but by no means do I ever want to “control” someone’s outlook. I never cared what girls thought of me. I’ve always thought I was cute, funny and awesome. Lately I’ve wanted to just be with someone but it seems like every girl I like is either out of my league or in a relationship. I keep thinking I meet girls worth my while but it never works out. I always seem to think there’s something there and there isn’t and I’m tired of it. I just want to be normal. I’m tired of being a buddy or being a really good friend, even though for the most part I love being a good friend to people. I just want someone who wants me. When it’s all said and done, I’m an attractive, successful, smart black male with a lot going for him and I guess.. I don’t even know…that’s the end of my rant…
Posted on January 17, 2014, in Personal and tagged confused, feelings, future, life, loneliness, me, people, rant, rant of the day, relationships, views, whoiam, women. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.