Dating Through My Eyes
Daily Prompt: Generation XYZ
Think about the generation immediately younger or older than you. What do you understand least about them — and what can you learn from them?
Dating through my eyes
I don’t want to convey myself as being a guy who plays that “Oh I’m a nice guy, why can’t I get a girl” card. That isn’t me, my views on relationships vary differently from what it is currently portrayed by the general and I’m actually okay with that.
I was listening to the radio this morning and the morning show on this particular station was talking about courtship. How men now days are getting worse and worse at courting women and how women have allowed guys to stoop so low and accept how guys are approaching them for a date. What happened to that old style/old fashion type of relationship? The one where the guy would be scared to ask for a girl’s number and when he got it, he would be overly excited that she gave it to him. The ones where a guy would call you on the phone (not text) and ask you out on a date? This can easily go both ways. Why has this been allowed to happen and how do we fix it? Has courtship died in today’s dating world?
What happened to the days when a man opened the woman’s car door just because he cared? Now I’ll be honest, I don’t open the door every time I’m with a woman or on a date but I do actually do it occasionally. The courtship process is supposed to be a time when a man goes all out to get that special woman’s attention.
When you were little or even in high school there were times where you would let’s say ‘pick’ on your crush. You would throw things in her hair, make fun of her, trip her in the hallways and give her all of this attention. Why? Because you had a crush on her, you wanted her to know that you liked her and you wanted to gain her attention and make her think of you all of the time. There are guys that makeup, breakup, ask out and curse you out via text or online. Why do people let this happen? Is this the new standard? Because if that’s so, I am definitely in the wrong era!
I know in our economy everyone is trying to take care of responsibilities and therefore cannot afford certain things. The older we get, the more we realize money doesn’t grow on trees. Money isn’t everything. Let me repeat that; Money is not everything! Even without money, you can make a date really special. You can plan a picnic on a nice day out, you can go take a walk in the park or somewhere around and sightseeing. Get to know the person you are dating, that’s the whole point. Search your city, I’m positive there are things to do almost everyday that can easily be turned into a date. Museums are also a great choice and they are usually free to the public. Some view free “events” or dates as cheap, it really isn’t. Yes, it may be free and if you can have a great time with a person you like and not have to pay a dime, how is that a bad thing?
To my guys out there, where is the creativity? Is it because of the woman makes it so easy that the man doesn’t have to try? Or is it that, somewhere along the way, we forgot to show boys how to be men and girls how to be women?
Technology has ruined the standards of relationships. There are so many ways to date now, are there too many options? With the big deal on dating online, it takes all of the effort out of dating. I’ve done it. I have met women online and I tried the whole online dating thing. Honestly, they never worked out, but I have gained great friends through this process. I don’t know if most people even going into it with the mindset of meeting this person online and dating them, then eventually marrying them. This society has such a focus on sex that even online dating becomes skeptical nonetheless.
What I’ve noticed about online dating and real life dating is that this society has created terms and a mindset geared more towards guys than women. This makes guys not want to chase a woman anymore. It is very difficult to approach a woman in today’s world, whether it’s online or in person. Women are very quick to call a guy “thirsty”, “desperate” and “annoying”. Terms like these are also used by men to describe other men to make themselves “stand out” or “look good” especially online.
Prime example is if a girl post a picture online, now this can be any picture, a guy would comment “Wow, you look beautiful” then the next thing you know here come 20 other comments “Dude above me is thirsty” “Yo, this dude dehydrated get him some water” “The thirst is real”. Are you serious? Is it a bad thing to compliment women? Has the internet ruined or perception of dating? In person it is a little bit harder to be impolite, therefore this doesn’t happen as much.
Stressing about it won’t change the fact that most chivalry is dead and society killed it. Besides most women won’t even respond to you if they don’t like a guy’s appearance so don’t judge us in the negative when most women aren’t even willing to get to know us.
Back to the topic; simply put courting. It’s not effective anymore. While you’re buying her a ton of things, showing you care and trying to be Mr. nice guy, some other dude is getting the cookie without even going through all that effort. Respect, honesty and communication, what’s all that supposed to do? What one woman may find respectful, another woman may not, I’ve seen women talk about how they enjoy being called “beautiful” by a man, and then other complains about it, saying they found it disrespectful. Don’t blame the guys for doing what works. If it didn’t produce results, we wouldn’t waste our time with it. Men will only do what you allow them to do. If a man takes flowers to a woman and is treated with disdain over and over, they learn to stop doing it. Who taught them it doesn’t work? Women! So they turn to the bad-boy tactic and women respond. Sex, second dates and hanging on his arm like he is the ideal mate tells the man, ‘AHA!’ This method works and therefore that is the method they use.
Does it work every time? No, but it works faster and more often than being a really decent guy so the behavior is set and passed on to other males. Whose fault is it really that courting has pretty much gone and died?
What’s the point of courting (online or offline) if a person has no guarantee that after 3 weeks the other hasn’t met someone else? This is 2014 and yes, society and views have changed. I understand that, but there is just some core values I believe should never go away. Many men & women expect too many things, meaning that most forget that they wanted to do that for you! Not feeling the “Need” to do that. Once you realize that the reason I did that for you is because I wanted to, not being pressured of you saying something by “Needing to”.
Example you’re seeing a girl and she may say or see something she likes but just in a conversation and one day you show up with that thing she mentioned out if the blue it’s priceless. It was because you wanted to do something nice, not that she said “hey get that for me” it was just a thought and you fulfilled it because you wanted to see her smile, nothing was expected. Take every opportunity possible to show your lady how much you care about her. There’s no such thing as being ‘too romantic’
I feel like I could go on and on about this for hours. I think my question would have to be more along the lines of, what happened to people meeting and getting to know each other, having some fun, with no preconceived expectations of gifts and/or sex? Enjoy the others company and gifts are given sincerely and sex is when you both feel it is right?
I live in a world where every woman has a multitude of options, and explores them thoroughly. I live in a world where people say they want “this”, always choose “that” and then complain about it. I live in a world where opening doors is now considered offensive and when someone does it anyways, it’s barely appreciated. I live in a world where, even though I treat women as my equal, they can choose when they want to be the docile princess and not an empowered queen. I live in a world where no one understands that a relationship requires sacrifice in order to work. I live in a world where someone in a relationship will always try and get with someone who is single and the single ones just want sex, experience, or gifts rather than a legit chance to get to know the person. I live……in a world I find hard to understand.
Posted on January 30, 2014, in Inspirational, Love, Personal, Relationships and tagged chivalry, choices, class, confused, dating, feelings, gentleman, life, me, nice guys, past, people, proper, sex, standards, style, understanding, views, whoiam, wise. Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.