I’ve been really torn up and a bit emotionally damaged. This past week has just been a week I was very unprepared for. Well let me tell you about it, sadly this usually happens often but this week was more abnormal then most. My funds or let’s say income didn’t supply me enough to live how I was and keep a positive balance. My account unfortunately went into the negative multiple times this past week, I had to rely on friends and family(my mom) to help me keep it at a positive mark so that I wouldn’t get overcharged from the bank. Along with this trial of error on my part, I also just happened to run out of gas not once, not twice but almost three times within one week. As you can see from that I’ve been very very stressed on trying to make ends meet while still making it to work and going to my classes.
Just when you think it couldn’t get worse, guess what? It does. I bowl twice a week and I’ve been bowling since I was 13 so it’s a pretty big part of my life. I went into the bowling alley like I always do on a Monday night, only to get out of my car, open the trunk and realize my bowling balls are gone. Yes, gone! I know for sure I had them just three days prior to this because well that was the last time I bowled. Here I am panicking, hardcore panicking trying to figure out where in the world could my bowling balls be. I called every single person I made contact with in the last few days only to be stricken by more and more disappointment as I still to this day have not located the whereabouts of my equipment.
It’s not so much that I can’t find my bag it’s more so the fact that I had just purchased new equipment not too long ago and I have a pair of $100 shoes in that bag that I haven’t even worn yet. I also have many awards given out to me along with basic bowling supplies. In total I’m sure that bag with everything it entails is worth about $400. That is $400 I personally invested into my hobby, my past time, my favorite thing to do. At this point, I’ve pretty much lost it. I was having a full blown panic attack. I didn’t know how to cope with what was presented before me as this trial. Let’s group everything up right now into a big picture.
1. My bank account was negative
2. I had virtually no gas at all
3. My bowling equipment mysteriously disappeared
This was all realized around the same time, it was a lot to process at one time and I clearly didn’t know how to handle it. Let’s move along to number four. Which occurred the day after everything was shot to hell.
4. Realized I didn’t pay a bill not only that but also missed the last month’s payment.
I’m going to summarize this all into a monetary fashion, just because that is exactly how I’m looking at it.
1. My bank account was negative – Meaning I owe the bank money, no positive balance here (-$$$)
2. I had virtually no gas at all – can’t get to work or school without gas in my car
3. My bowling equipment mysteriously disappeared – $400 worth of invested money into my sport
4. Realized I didn’t pay a bill not only that but also missed the last month’s payment. – $180 missed payment and due payment combined into one
What god did I piss off to deserve all of this at one time? Within a two day period my life just plummeted. I’m still searching for my bowling bag and I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to keep my account positive while keeping gas in my car while paying all of my bills.
It’s just been crazy for me in such a short time. I am thankful for my friends and my mom who try and support me as best as they can. Sorry for being a fuck up.
Posted on April 17, 2014, in Personal and tagged confused, depression, feelings, frustration, I surrender, life, life trials, panic, panic attack, passion, rant, sadness, stressed, Throw in the towel. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.